Chromatic
by Spider3
Summary: A man lies sprawled on the sidewalk, self respect askew, coffee intact, and job in jeopardy. However, he is soon rescued by a furry animal and her leopard print sporting owner. The tale of Ted and Emmett's first meeting.
1. Haze Tinted

Disclaimer: All characters (with the exception of the poodle) belong to QaF's creators and to Showtime. But I own the poodle! The poodle's miiiine!

"You sure do have a knack for picking the right places, don't you Teddy boy." Hi. I'm Ted Schmidt and that would be me talking to myself. It's not something I usually do but I'm not opposed to stooping to it should the situation present itself. Today. Today is _really_ one of those situations.

It started with exhaustion. I was up late last night attempting to prepare the presentation that could revolutionize my career. Intricate details, charts, calculations, and three types of graphs. Four seconds into rehearsing my speech with those little 3x5 notecards I realized exactly what I was preparing for. The gravity of the situation, the amount that was riding on the success of this demonstration. Next came nerves; next came the only method of soothing nerves I had available at the moment, porn. Yes, I watched it all night. And in the morning I felt like shit.

Driving to the Marriott. Eyelids closing, cars honking as I just barely manage to avoid slamming into the side of an Utz potato chip truck. The Utz girl gave me an evil glare. Twenty more minutes of driving…a horn blaring through my skull as I realize that I'm stopped in the center of an intersection. Need to get off the road. I need…caffeine.

Why did I do it. I walked hurriedly back to my car, eyes closed, sipping slowly, imagining the cool mocha frapechino flowing through my veins. Invigorating. Life giving. 

Missing the ankle height rope and orange flags completely, I tripped and found myself lying face down in a two-inch deep mud pit, still clutching the frapechino in my right hand. Not even a drop had spilled. 

I just lay there. Couldn't move. Didn't want to think. "Great, Ted. Marvelous, darling. Mud on your face, soaking into your starched white shirt, ruining your best pants, creeping into your shoes, and squishing against the soles of your feet. What a sight. What a piece of work." I lowered my head into the mud again, squeezing my eyes against the onslaught of cold filth. It was all ruined now. Why bother getting up?

Cold. Cold on the back of my neck. And wet. Licking. Something was definitely licking me. I tried to get to my knees in an attempt to shake whatever it was off, only to be pushed back down again by furry paws. With an agonized sigh I gave in. Why not? I didn't have the strength for this.

A scant few minutes later I heard footsteps running down the path towards me.

"Gladys?! _Gladys!?_ Aw, c'mon girl, where are y-----GLADYS!" A man's voice. Loud, tenor, and slightly southern. And getting nearer. "There you are you sneaky little…Oh who am I kidding, I missed you! Don't you ever do that to me agai…Oh my god honey are you all right?!" The voice was behind me now, realized thankfully that the slobbery weight was being lifted off my back. I sat up somewhat stiffly, trying to wipe the mud off my face with an even muddier sleeve. God, what a disaster. How late was I? Suddenly a hand was thrust in front of my face and I remembered my savior. 

"Are you all right?" The voice anxiously asked again.

I look up…and froze. The stranger was a young man, probably a couple of years younger than me. He was tall, with light brown hair, and his outfit, consisting of black and pink leopard print pants and a black fishnet shirt screamed of…well…something, but the eyes looking down on me were kind and full of worry. 

"Th…thank you." I stammered, taking the hand offered. When he grinned I looked down, a little embarrassed by my present condition. 

"You're sure you're ok?" he asked after I was standing. He then put a hand out to silence me, "Wait! Maybe you shouldn't speak yet. I'm really sorry about Gladys here." He turned to glare at the little white toy poodle who was now sleeping on his shoulder like some garish parrot. "She tends to do that from time to time…I dropped her leash and she just took off…I couldn't keep up and…this really is our fault…I'm sorry!" he finished. Then, recovering himself, "My name's Emmett Honeycut by the way." I smiled slightly despite the situation. "I'm Ted, and no," I reassured him. "It's not your fault. I'm fine, _really_," I replied off his look. " I was kinda lying here anyway when, uh, Gladys found me."

Emmett's eyes grew large. "Why?!" The worry that had never completely left his face returned now in full force. I could see possible scenarios for why I might be lying here forming in his mind. He appeared to settle on the least painful one. "Don't you worry honey, she'll come back."

"Oh, no! Nothing like that …" I hurried to correct him. "Besides, _she_ would have been a _he_ anyway." I felt the red creep up my cheeks and ears as he grinned again. "No, it's coffee that did this to me." Emmett was trying his best to look understanding. "Well, work and coffee." I elaborated helpfully. "And the Utz girl." A flicker of understanding crossed Emmett's face.

"Yeah, she is evil isn't she," he agreed, sitting down on the curb. I nodded, sitting down beside him, as Gladys jumped on to my lap. 

"Awww." Emmett nodded approvingly. "She likes you!" And I began my tale of woe.

* * *


	2. Red

"…So that leaves me here, on the side of a curb, depressed, dirty, and possibly very jobless." I concluded forlornly. I glanced at Emmett, half expecting him to tell me to shut up, or to simply get up and walk away himself. Instead though, he was listening intently with something akin to sympathy in his eyes. 

"Well," he declared, sliding his arm around my shoulders in a comforting gesture,

"It certainly sucks to be you right now." From her place on my lap Gladys nuzzled me in silent admonition of this fact. "But," he continued, eyes now glinting with barely suppressed mischief, "I believe, honey, that given your current situation you could not have been pounced on by a better canine." He paused here, obviously waiting for me to pick up on some subtly dropped hint. When it became clear that I had no idea what he was talking about, he decided to finish the thought for me. " I work in a clothing shop!"

I saw where this was going. "Thanks Emmett," I began, "but with the time it'll take to get all new clothes, then finish driving down…I think I'll just stay here and…meditate. You know, on the problems of the world. Hunger, war, poverty…people with more to worry about than whether they impress a few senile old men at their next meeting." 

I patted Gladys on the head before attempting to lift her off my lap. She sniffed indignantly. So did Emmett. 

"Look," I said. "Sorry for…bringing you down with my self pity and all. You've been really nice to listen but, now you'd better just g------"

"Yes!" Emmett snapped, rising suddenly and snatching Gladys off my lap. "You have "brought us down with your self pity!" You've even gone so far as to ruin our marvelously sunny day! So Ted…" he trailed off.

"Schmidt," I supplied timidly.

He nodded thanks briefly, then continued where he left off. "So Ted Schmidt, we'd appreciate it if you would have the presence of mind to let us help you so _we_ don't go around feeling miserable all day! Besides, it's a known fact that sulking gives you wrinkles," he leaned down an lightly poked my nose, " and we can't have that." With a sigh I held out my hand. He winked and helped me up once again. Some things you just can't argue with.


	3. Bluish-Greeinsh-Grey

I took a deep breath in. Cheeks tinted blue, fire burning in my chest, lungs expanding to near exploding, forcing me to exhale. Mind trying to grasp and comprehend what eyes were seeing. Sheer, leather, pleather, and fishnet swirling together into some sort of sartorial nightmare. Row after row of stretchy electric crammed against pale gauze. Emmett stood in front of it all, arms crossed, a huge smile on his face like in those Wal-Mart commercials.

"See sweetie, you're bound to find something to wow those stuffy old execs.! Now," he said, leaning back to study me then turning to pull several menacing looking items off a rack in the corner, "I think we should go with green. It sets off your eyes."

* * * 

"Well?" I heard the voice inquire over the dressing room curtain. It's not really a room anyway; more like a cubicle with a glittery shower curtain draped over the entrance. " Come on Ted, get out here. We're doing this so you can arrive at your meeting fashionably late, _not_ miss it _entirely_!" Emmett's tone had shifted to one of mock impatience.

I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to force down the sick feeling in my stomach. Shiny black tank top. Sheer lime green overshirt with slightly sparkly zebra stripes. Pinstripe pants that felt like they might split at any second. And sneakers. Plain, white sneakers. There should be laws against me going out like this. The government should issue a warning, protecting innocent citizens from my approach. " Short, badly dressed, retro man! Take cover now, he's an angry one!"

* * * 

"Stunning! They'll die when they see you" Emmett and Gladys walked around, inspecting me.

" I don't want them to die!" I replied, not at all believing him. "The point's not to make them die. The point is to make them stay very much alive…and possibly awe inspired so they'll promote me."

Emmett was studiously ignoring me, and was instead concentrating on my clothing. He circled me once more, Gladys trailing behind on her leash. He tapped his finger on his temple and frowned. "Something's wrong…" I had a few thoughts on what that something was but he put up a hand, silencing me before I could inform him.

"Aha!" Emmett leapt up and strode to the back room, leaving Gladys behind, as confused as I was. "Here." He returned with low black combat boots. " Put these on."

Reluctantly, I complied, yet I soon found that the boots weren't all that bad. Wearing them I felt taller, a little stronger, and my toes felt comfy.

"You like them?" Emmett asked.

"Well, I feel sort of like a crazy dressed up doll…but an oddly powerful dressed up doll. That sounded weird."

"Nah," he replied. "Well, yeah. It's ok though, I can tell these aren't what you generally wear…but they _will_ get you through that meeting." 

He smiled at me. A smile of encouragement, lighting up his whole face, urging me onward with his eyes. 

"Well? Go on honey, I believe you have "senile old men" to impress!"

"Listen Emmett, thank you. Alot. It was…" I faltered for gratitude expressing words. "It was…really nice." I walked over to the register. "How much?" I asked.

Emmett stared at me, then looked hurt. "Oh no," he said leading me away from the counter and towards the door. "You were desperate, and I don't charge people in desperate situations."

"Well…" I trailed off uncertainly.

" But!" he added brightly, " since you offered…"

Shaking my head, I grinned and fished out my wallet.

* * * 

So, I'm now standing in front of the door, briefcase in hand, combat boots on feet, ready to walk in and crash a perfectly respectable meeting. Been a long day. Slowly I turn the knob. That frapechino feels like it was hours away. The door swings open. Eyelids getting heavy. I walk into the room, hearing the rustle of people turning to stare. I fall asleep.


End file.
